Resolutions and Intentions – How and why do we change our behavior?
As we step into 2025, we ride the cultural wave of “New Year’s Resolutions” and can feel pressure to change our habits, behaviors and/or goals…and then, often in a day, a week or a month, our old habits are back and running the show again. What’s going on in this process? How and why do we change our behavior, and how do we make shifts last?
Just like good intentions set for January, when we work with pregnant and new mamas, we are often encouraging the establishment of fresh or refined habits that support and scaffold this season of life, like food, water, sleep, exercise, and support. We are familiar with this journey, and here’s a secret…we often don’t change our behavior unless we are pretty darn uncomfortable. The discomfort propels us into curiosity and tickles our motivation, which spurs us into the stages of change…These are the stages that we ALL go through to adapt our behavior, grow, and transform!
And guess what – we may go through this process multiple times BEFORE the new habit sticks. Falling off the horse and finding the courage to get back on is all part of the journey…
What are the stages of change? And how do we move through them?
Enter Carlo Di Clemente and James O. Prochaska, two psychologists who developed the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change that includes the Stages of Change and the Processes of Change model. While studying folks quitting smoking, Di Clemente and Prochaska identified the stages that humans move through and the motivation necessary to actually change an entrenched behavior.
Stages move from Pre-contemplation (change is nowhere on the radar), Contemplation (considering change), Preparation (taking small steps to set yourself up for success), Action (doing the new behavior), Maintenance (keeping on with new behavior) and finally, Adoption (new behavior is integrated into regular routine). They discovered that folks cycled through the stages an average of 7 times before they finally quit smoking for good.
Let’s look at a simple example as applied to a new mama that illustrates this theory: We’ll use the example of starting to jog, (please fill in the blank with something that you may be somewhat curious/interested in such as stretching, walking, painting, meditation, journaling, cooking, gardening….) Here we go – starting with the first stage:
STAGE 1: Precontemplation
Why in the world do people jog and run? Seriously, that looks and seems exhausting and impossible.
STAGE 2: Contemplation
Huh, after chatting with my friend, she said that she feels really good after a quick run and feels like she is more able to take on the day. Curious… I wonder why. I wonder what that would feel like. I wonder what I would need to actually go for a jog. How much time would that take? When would I go? What would I wear? I don’t have a good sports bra or sneakers… Who would go with me? Where would I actually jog to and from? It would be nice to start the day a little differently, or even end the day with something new. Or maybe I could try jogging on the weekend…
STAGE 3: Preparation
I’m going to check out the local consignment store – I heard they have some good workout clothes. I think Maxy mentioned that she sometimes goes for a walk/jog in the neighborhood. I would want to start off really slowly because I will probably hate it or keel over if I do too much too fast. I’m going to call her to see if I could tag along. I think if I pop the baby in the stroller, I could take him on a Thursday morning, or maybe I can go baby-free, with my friend, on Sunday. I do have those older sneakers that may be just fine for now…
STAGE 4: Action
Maxy loved the idea of having a jogging ally. We are meeting on Thursday morning at 7am with the strollers. She said she walks/jogs for about 30 minutes during the week. I should be able to shower after our jog and get us to childcare and work by 9:00am. I have my sneakers, comfy supportive clothes, water bottle, stroller, baby, and wow – a morning friend chatting session on the run!
STAGE 5: Maintenance
I did it! I feel accomplished that we walked and jogged for 20 min. Maxy didn’t seem to care when I slowed down and caught my breath. I wonder how long it would take me, if I did this consistently, to not have to walk much. I’m curious where I will be in a few weeks if I keep this up. I think maybe I can add another walk/jog on a different day without the baby. I wonder how that will go…I’m committed for now for Thursdays with Maxy. It is useful to have an accountability buddy. I do feel more ready for the day. I can’t believe I got that in before work! Here we go, I think I’m a walker/jogger now!
STAGE 6: Relapse
Darn, that vacation and the family cold really knocked out my morning jogging rhythm. Next week is the big holiday. That will be 3, almost 4 weeks without a jog.
STAGE 2 (again): Contemplation
I will reach out to Maxy to get back on the calendar for the first week after the holiday.
STAGE 3 (again): Preparation
Gather the important items to make sure the activity can happen.
STAGE 4 (again): Action
Start jogging again on Thursday mornings.
STAGE 5 (again): Maintenance
Keep up the weekly jog!
Change is a process. For some, the precontemplation / contemplation takes months or years, and for others, it can take days or weeks. As far as lasting sustainable change — slow and steady wins the race! It is great to become curious about your motivation for behavior change. Is it intrinsically motivated (spurred from a desire and curiosity to adapt a behavior to support your lifestyle in some form) or is it extrinsically motivated (coming from the outside as a “should”)? While shoulds don’t often stick, internally motivated desires typically have fire and energy to propel you through the stage of change.
In this new year, support your process by mapping out your journey through the stages of change without pressure to be at any one part of the cycle. Recognizing whether you are in pre-contemplation, contemplation, planning, action, maintenance or relapse in relation to your desired behavior is a great strategy to develop insight into your motivation and support your new behaviors.
So, we invite you to take out a sticky note, and jot down this soundbite:
I’m journeying on the stages of change in regards to _________________________.
I’m at the ______________________________ stage and
I’m noticing ____________________________________________.
Well done! Don’t forget to be gentle with yourself, and keep on going!
